Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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