just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
