do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
