apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
