my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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