I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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