he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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