I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
