Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
