honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
