wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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