did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
