people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
