They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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