tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
