if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
