he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
