I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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