I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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