Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize