Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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