my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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