Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
