omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
