from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
