You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
