and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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