i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
