can u get pink eye on your cock?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
