i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
