I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
