FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
