Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
