i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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