I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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