Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
