My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
