Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
