I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
