just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
