You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
