i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
