I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
