booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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