So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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