Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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