im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
