So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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