it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
