Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
