just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
