Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
