I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
