This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
