So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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