before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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