Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Im part way to drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
