I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
