all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
