worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
