Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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