What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
