I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
