Do vagina's smell?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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