Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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