and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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