If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
