not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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