You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
