At least make sure they are 18
Why
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
