i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
