Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
