Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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