he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
