I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
