so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
