One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
