You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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