last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
