I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
