I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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